I grew up wanting a good paying job that would allow me to have all the nice things. I wanted cute clothes, a nice house, a new car, maybe a dog. I grew up with those things. Those things were always within reach. I grew up in a house that was completely paid for by my dad’s employer. His vehicle? Also financed by that same employer. We went out to dinner – you can go ahead and assume this was also free of charge – with that same employer on a weekly basis. My mom took me shopping all the time, and we bought what we wanted. We had everything that 9 year old Taylor could have dreamed of.

And so I grew up wanting everything that 9 year old Taylor dreamed of.

I went straight to business school right after high school in search of an Accounting degree. I thought accountants made great money; I wanted to make great money. I wanted the nice house and clothes that the great money-making accountants had. I wanted to get up and drive my brand new car to my great paying accounting job every morning. I wanted to be this successful person that looked like she made great money.

No one told me I’d fall into a mild depression in business school.

No one told me I wouldn’t make a single friend in business school.

No one told me that business school really sucked.

No one told me I would drop out of business school after 9 months.

No one told me…

And you know what I did? I blamed them. I blamed everyone who didn’t tell me.

I know a lot of people will tell you “Don’t have regrets. It’s a waste of energy.” I agree, to an extent. Yes, I think spending time regretting the past is a waste of energy when you could be focusing on the present or future. Yes, I know the windshield is larger than the review mirror for a reason. Yes, I know I can’t change what I did 6 years ago. Yes, I know everything happens for a reason. I get it, I really do… But that doesn’t change my mind. I regret quitting college. I regret not trying harder to make friends in college. I regret that I couldn’t be more independent in college.

I regret the entirety of who I was as a person that year, but I also know that it helped shape me into the person I am today.

Who am I today? Well, I’m a person who quits nothing. I’m a person who makes friends with everyone. I’m a person who doesn’t let herself be unhappy.

I’m a person who doesn’t let anything suck.

Or so I thought…

After all of those things happened at business school that I didn’t know would happen, I got a good paying job. Customer service for a logistics company would pay me $16.83 an hour to start.

I was a 20 year old college dropout. There was no chance on this earth that I wasn’t jumping at that opportunity. All I saw were dollar signs. All I saw was a new car, a nice apartment, and a dog. (I ended up with two cats, but beggars can’t be choosy.)

No one told me that once you get into logistics, you’re stuck there. Now, here I am at 24, making $18.88 an hour because I got lucky when the Cost of Living increases came around in 2016, and I hate my life 40 hours a week.

173 hours and 33 minutes a month.

2,080 hours a year.

For every 43,800 hours, I will have hated 10,400 of them.

Now I’m not good at math, but that looks like almost 25% of my life that I’m now hating.

I don’t know about you, but that doesn’t sound like a way to live.

I’m currently reading a book by Shonda Rhimes called “Year of Yes.” If you don’t know who she is, look her up. If you aren’t into television drama’s, read her book. Seriously. I’m on chapter 4, and she’s already changed my life. I’m going to quote her a little bit here, because I’m so enlightened by this.

“You just have to keep moving forward. You just have to keep doing something, seizing the next opportunity, staying open to trying something new. It doesn’t have to fit your vision of the perfect job or the perfect life. Perfect is boring, and dreams are not real. Just…DO. You think, “I wish I could travel” – you sell your crappy car and buy a ticket and go to Bangkok right now. I’m serious. You say, “I want to be a writer” – guess what? A writer is someone who writes every day.”

That leads me here today.

Do you want to know some more stuff they never told me? I’m going to blow your mind.

They never told me:

  1. New cars cost money on a monthly basis
  2. Starting and quitting school multiple times costs money on a monthly basis
  3. Having a nice apartment costs money on a monthly basis
  4. Having a dog (or cats…) costs money on a weekly basis

So, here I am, sitting on a hand-me-down couch that cost me nothing in an apartment that costs me over $1,000 every month, wondering what I should do for dinner because I have $3.51 until Friday. It’s Wednesday. And that $3.51 is not a made up number. That’s my real checking account balance as of 5:51 pm, and it’s unfortunately very repeatedly real every Wednesday/Thursday.

No one ever told me I’d be broke.

Mentally and financially.

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s